Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.

Rule # 2 If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Rule # 3 If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Rule # 4 It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

Rule # 5 Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?

Rule # 6 Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

Rule # 7 You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.

Rule # 8 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.

Rule # 9 Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.

Rule # 10 Women who wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

Rule # 11 When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.

Talking with a man is like saddling a cow. You work like hell, but what's the point? -Gladys Upham

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles. -Roseanne Barr

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. -- Frederick Ryder

Men get laid, but women get screwed. -- Quentin Crisp

Women need a reason to have sex -- men just need a place. -- Billy Crystal.

I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I, a microwave? -- Beverly Mickins

Do you know why the Lord withheld the sense of humor from women? So that we may love you instead of laugh at you. -- Mrs. Patrick Campbell

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." -- Jerry Seinfeld

Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last. -- Remy de Gourmant

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses. -- H.L. Mencken

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment. -- Warren Farrell

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. -- Lyndon B. Johnson

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable? - Carrie Snow

The Lord made man before woman to give him time to think of an answer for her first question. -- Anonymous